“I don’t take my life seriously, but I do take what I do – in my life – seriously -” Audrey Hepburn

"I Said what I said." The little sassy voice in my head spit out in reply to, "How are you?". I am staring at yet another doctor that doesn't remember my name. "Yes, I am fine. No I have nothing further to say to you. I don't think you can comprehend I AM fighting for quality of life by treating the CAUSE not the symptoms of my condition." again, the little salty ego in my head screaming, "BITE ME." My mom decided to speak up, and fill him in, and I can feel the minutes leaving my body that I will never get back.

Sour patch kid is a little optimistic to compare me to. I don't think my words are easily digested, much less my presence when my passions turn heated. Most who know me will find this HILARIOUS, as you should. The quote by Audrey Hepburn seemed all too fitting for this situation.

“I don’t take my life seriously, but I do take what I do – in my life – seriously -”.

Those who experience my elevated bubbly presence know when I decide to have a little bite behind my words my fire is fueled by as much passion as everything else in my life. All or nothing. Burning bridges to the ground, or letting those who can't swim jump on my back until I can get our heads above water, or find a way to make you laugh while we both drown. I am pretty sure every person within a five mile radius of downtown Nashville could feel the fire I was building to burn the one bridge I had left giving modern medicine a chance to 'help' me. My poor empathetic mother could feel it, even though I did my best to just keep things short and say nothing.

"I do not take my life seriously." What this means to me. I have tried to think of a million ways to say this, so I am just going to say it like it is, and elaborate that it's not as depressing as it sounds. I do not have any end goals, things I have to do with my life, or journeys I must obtain. Why? I do not wish to put myself in a place where all I can see is me, my, and mine. I love being open to the opportunity of letting a moment as simple as genuine laughter mean as much to me as graduating with a PhD in Integrative medicine one day, and pursuing a career as a wilderness medicine nurse. If I never reach these elaborate moments I have still given genuinely and fully to each interaction in my life. So to me, feeling this doctor drain me of precious minutes is one of the most excruciating parts of this whole chapter in my life. I have one aspiration, and that's to be a genuine human being. I do not take my life seriously, "but I take what I do -- in my life -- seriously."

Oh how I take it seriously. I see a situation, I go through some rather unconventional life events, I embrace ideas, theories, and traditions most turn their head to, and decide to light more fires of curiosity. I jump on the opportunity to be just enough crazy it gives people, HOPE. On the inspirational side it evens everything out. That creates a survivor.

The more I give into my true nature the more I want to run to the mountains for good, growing my own life in chaos and love with the wild. Conformity has never really suited me, even if my mother is right, and these doctors do know what they are talking about. I just can't take a person who says "humility" and "do no harm" in their oaths seriously if they can't even remember my name. If they think I am difficult for refusing pain clinics and shots I can't afford, and mock me for believing in the type of healers who sit to have a glass of wine with me, research, and find something I can believe in, who appreciates my questions, advocates for my FREEDOM of being treated how I wish, again, they can BITE ME. Blind faith is a dangerous things my friend. Dependency in this country is real, and the more it's pushed on me the more I would give anything for Ben Cash's life. "There is no cavalry! No one will magically appear, and save you in the end." Ben Cash, Captain Fantastic.

The day I embraced that mentality, I pulled myself off the floor, and realized this life is what I create. I depend on no person to save me, for I do not need to be saved. I just need to create an alternative to a suffering world, change my world, change the light in it, and not take myself so seriously, but realize every choice I make is serious, even the small ones. Respecting little critters big and small who have no concept of time all the way up to those who think they are too intelligent to interact with a low life hippie like myself. Just because I am "aware of my existence" they deserve less respect? I'm sorry but this makes me giggle. Until the day I die I will be just as happy to save the family of slugs under my steps, and greet them with a smile, as I do every other living creature.

Don't believe me just yet? I wish I had a picture of my dad's Aloe plants he sings to every night. I have never seen such beautiful towering plants! Something about this small simple act of kindness is so genuine, vulnerable, and truly happy it just makes my cup over flow.

Call me crazy, I don't mind, but I will beg of you, if you have any resistance to what I have said, where is it coming from? I dare you to question it, and if you are curious and adventurous enough give it a try.

Freedom, what does it mean to you? I can promise it has nothing to do with anything that can be bought or sold, or obtained from another human being. The thing we fear most in life we will always run into whether it's on a private jet plane, or hitch hiking our way from coast to coast. Freedom is the moment of being completely over taken by our worst fears, and finding the core of our soul in the middle. It's about opening our eyes, and allowing ourselves to be human while embracing fully the price of gaining wisdom as we stumble and fail our way through this life, and finding it beautiful. It's embracing the hard times in our hearts rather than pushing them out, and building walls. It's about embracing that shadow, kissing wounds, and showing yourself grace. It's about finding a concept in life you can live behind, where time is never of the essence because every moment is an opportunity. It's not my life I take seriously, it's what I do with it.

"Give me the wild children,

with their bare feet and sparkling eyes,

The restless,

The yearning climbers,

The wild ones using their outside voices,

Singing all the way home,

Give me the wander-filled,

Glorious mess makers,

Who are dreaming of mountain and mud,

Aching to run through a field of stars"

-Author Unknown (please message me for credit if this is your piece!)

You don't have to agree with me to believe in me. I can promise with the weight of life on my shoulders, and the weight of the world on yours, I will always be more free.


Salty Sam

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